Fat Bones

So my thoughts this morning are in a little bit more of a positive light I guess. I am not feeling like running away and never looking back or walking into the ocean and never walking back out. I know that's a bit morbid, but if everyone is honest with themselves I think they have been in the same place at least once in their lives before and for those who say they have never thought about ending their lives?- Well, it makes me wonder if either their life is so bad they have to lie to themselves or I must misunderstand everything I have ever observed and learned in life.

My issue I really need to work with today, this week and probably for the rest of my life is my negativity. I never used to be this way, why now? I have no idea. Maybe it's because I've gained so much weight and am so unhappy in my own self but in all honesty I think it is just because my heart has not been in the right place. I've never been "skinny" in my life so maybe those few years I was "skinny" was just a fluke and now i've settled into who I'll be for the rest of my life and just need to get over the vanity of my looks and worry a whole lot more about my heart. (SO much easier said than done!) But my negativity does not only affect me it has affected my husband of which I am truly sorry. He has been so patient with me and so many times I have seen in his face the frustration of my negative comments towards him. I am SO blessed to have him, and I know this, but for some reason it is so much easier to tell him what he is doing wrong versus what good things he has done. I harp on him about positive reinforcement, yet I can't conquer it with him myself. I know men need praise. Men need to feel wanted and loved. I have failed in those departments lately and I wish I could take it back, but since we all know that there is no time capsule or magic flowers to take back words or time, I can only try to make today better and tomorrow even greater.

In my little devotional book it was talking about some of God's promises about our minds. How if we allow the spirit in our minds we will have life and peace(Rom. 8:6). Also how God searches our minds to try to find reasons to bless us (Jer. 17:10). And the most comforting one to me right now is how when we seek God we will find Him (I Chron. 28:9).

I also read Proverbs 15 and here are some of the things I pulled out of it that I needed most:

• What is in our heart is what is seen by others as our lives
• Tactfulness shows wisdom
• It's better to be poor with love than rich with hatred

And this verse I will quote only because as I read it, I could only laugh!

Prov. 15:30
The light of the eyes rejoiceth the heart: and a good report maketh the bones fat.