First I have to say that after moving to our new location our marriage took a turn for the better! I'm not sure what clicked, what changed or what was different but things just got better! I don't know if it was a change of work atmosphere for Rob, a change of my heart or change of Rob's or just God answering my prayers but things got better. Rob has always been my best friend but as posted previously things were rough. Now he is more than a best friend! We are still working on the romance/spark in the relationship but it's come SO far! I couldn't be more blessed to have him as my husband!
As excited as I am about my marriage bringing in more sunshine I would have to say my biggest blessing is that of a child! After many losses and struggles with infertility we were blessed with the huge news of being pregnant on October 17, 2011 with it officially confirmed with a solid heartbeat on November 7. I swore I wouldn't cry but with the sound of each beat that played across the monitor broke me down into tears. While looking at our little living seed I instantly fell in love.
Only a week later we were notified that the chance of miscarrying this little bean was high. I had a large subchorionic hemorrhage detaching the placenta from the uterine wall and the Dr. very gently tried to advise and prepare us for the worse.
A few days later I thought for sure I was losing baby. I was told to drink lots of fluids, rest and keep my feet elevated. Every single time I used the restroom I prayed and dreaded the worse. I have to admit, my prayer life became stronger than it had ever been. I seemed as if I prayed nonstop around the clock out of worry and love. Since I was high risk to begin with I had a lot of checkups. So one week later I went yet again to check on our little peanut - this time we saw our baby swim around a little and learned that the hemorrhage was starting to absorb and clear out on its own! Finally, this one may be our first little living angel! We went through the weeks watching what we soon learned was a HIM grow! Felt the kicks, watched his movements.....
AND ......
at 5:50 on June 19, 2012 Elijah Stephen Auman came into our lives! A healthy 8lb 14oz and 21" long!
Labor was what I guess I thought it would be except that I was induced due to the show of late term preeclampsia and was put on Magnesium which made me feel flu-ish and made me stuck to bed. To top it off, my epidural didn't take sooooo labor was very real. But when I think about past miscarriages and the pains that I bore with those I honestly can say that I know it hurt and the pain was very real and just as intense but the end product took it all away! All in all, he is worth all the pregnancy scares, aches, pains, sicknesses and labor. We were blessed to be able to carry full term and deliver an amazingly healthy baby boy.
I was riding in the back seat with him just the other day (over 6 months old now) and he started laughing (that adorable deep belly laugh) when I would whisper to him. Tears of pure joy and love started leaking from my eyes. I just can't help it - having something to love THAT much will do it to you! 
He's growing fast - smiling, laughing, "talking", rolling, reaching, grabbing, teething, eating "solids", trying to master crawling... some stages fun, others that I'm glad to see go. I call him my miracle baby. He came out alert and strong and I believe he is truly a fighter. His daddy has so many plans for him. There are so many things we wish and want for him in his future as do most parents I would imagine. We want him to know God at an early age, to be strong, smart (book and common sense), musically inclined, athletic.... all the good stuff! :)
Sometimes we just have to wait. I cried many tears over lost babies, prayed many prayers for Eli and babies hopefully to come. No mom wants to lose a baby or go through sicknesses or surgeries or anything like that with their babies but something God has taught me through it all is Patience. 
I'm not a very patient person at all - I'm a control freak really. I want things done my way and on my timeline. When it comes to my healthy and pregnancies it just wasn't possible to be in charge. As strange as it sounds, I was sitting with Rob in church, a special service they had for his grandma because she was one of the longest going members they had and a group came and the whole service was singing. I can't tell you the name of the song that was being sung but peace flooded my body and the whispered words "You're ready" kept repeating in my head and I did everything I could to fight back the warm tears stinging my eyes. It was only a few weeks later that we found out we were expecting. I grew up hearing about that "still, small voice" but had never heard it that strongly before and let me just say - it is amazing. 
Moving forward - (I could brag on my adorable baby ALL day long) - things after Eli are definitely a change. I am not working, I stay home to take care of Eli and it's been a challenge. Some days I feel alone. Some days - when the most exciting thing is the color of Eli's poopy diaper - I feel like I'm losing my passions and identity but deep down I absolutely LOVE being a stay home mom and know how blessed I am to have that option. My relationship with God... well, I can't say I pray as much as I did when the scare of losing Eli was a reality but I'm not a complete heathen either! :)
Today I was reading Proverbs 10 and although I finished the chapter and I wanted to stop at verse 1: "
A wise son makes a glad father, But a foolish son is the grief of his mother." Yup - you guessed it - more baby talk! :) Earlier I mentioned that I pray for Eli to be wise. It goes SO much beyond being book smart. I hope that we are able to rear Eli in a way that allows him to make good decisions and be able to learn from the bad decisions that he will end up making. I also know that with every child will come a day of heartache, but my prayer be that Eli and I will never have a relationship broken beyond repair!
I also randomly chose Psalm 77 and it appropriately talked about crying to God with your woes. It asked if God had forgotten them, if He was angry, if His promises were broken. There are SO many times that I can relate with this - asking God why or is He there. Wondering why He would let certain things happen. After that it praised God, spoke of His greatness and power. Reading through it I realized that it's ok to ask questions; it's ok to wonder why - as long as we have faith. Faith in the powers of God. Faith in his love and mercies because one day you may hear that still small voice of God saying "You're Ready."
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